The Flip Side of Crazy

My last blog revolved around crazy and expressly crazy women. Last night I got my share of the flip side of crazy.
I ventured out to see a friend’s band and ran into male pattern crazy head on. Honestly ladies, how do you put up with it?
I was lucky enough to have the company of Super Darlin’ (as she now wants to be called!). She’s a new friend and one that I like a lot. We share a common limitless sense of humor and had quite the interesting time to say the least. Let me preface the story that SD was dressed to the nines or as she put it “dolled up.” (Who says that???) I must admit she did look pretty darn good.
Maybe it was because it was Valentine’s Day or maybe it was a full moon, but the cast of geniuses at the bar was all-star. It started early with friendly conversation from an older gentleman who had the misfortune of being short. Now when I say short, I mean front yard holding a lantern short. Not tall enough for this ride short. He seemed nice enough, but as the night progressed he got slurry-ier and slurry-ier and clingy… more so on me than the Darlin’. At one point, she offered him a hug and he declined yet I’m pretty sure at one point when he was talking into my ear he kissed me!
Darllin’ and I had fun pointing out mock celebrities up and down the row and found a dead on Jeff Daniels from Dumb and Dumber and an even closer Salmon Rushdie. (SD had to google image him on her i-phone to believe me!) Then there was the usual cast of posers. Does the guy wearing his baseball hat slanted with a giant gold dollar sign around his neck EVER get chosen? Or does the greased hair, leather jacket, cologne wearing guy have better odds.
In the middle of the evening, the bartender informed me that the gentleman across the way had offered to buy SD and me a drink. The second time that night that complete strangers had done this. We actually had commented earlier that he looked like Dennis Miller and I’m guessing he caught us looking. He eventually worked his way over to us and said we looked like we were having a good time….
Huh?
Someone explain to me why in a crowded bar you send drinks over to a couple who look like they are having a good time? Also, while you’re explaining, how does Mr. Cologne lean over SEVERAL times to whisper in Darlin’s ear? All in all, SD got hit on by at least 5 different guys even though we were separated by less than a foot all night.
Ladies… you have my sympathy! How do you tolerate this? I asked SD and she said it was flattering.
I was caught just a-shakin’ my head.
The crowning point of my night had to be when SD left me alone at the bar and the white guy with dreadlocks who was blatantly dealing crack leaned over and out of the blue asked me, “how do you do it man?”
I said, “do what?”
“Get a girl that hot”
The answer was quick and obvious.
“I’m hung like a mule”
It mad me laugh!
At the end of the night, I told Super Darlin’ that I didn’t think I could hang out with her anymore. She was too hot for me! I’m a nice empty, quiet bar barfly who appreciates nice conversation with mom-mom- and pop-pop who are a little tipsy not trying to figure out why Mr. Cologne is pawing up what could be my date and Dennis Miller is sending us drinks while a drunk midget is feeling up my leg.
But…
After sleeping on it…
I kinda like SuperDarlin’ and it was definitely amusing. And if I didn’t hang with her again….
What would I write about?
Oh Wait… I live in the middle of the asylum.