PreHab

Let’s get back to it it then.
Apparently melon collie and the infinite sadness doesn’t rate. I love Smashing Pumpkins…and the band’s not bad either.
OK, back to funny?
Yesterday Superdarlin’ put me thru the ringer! She FORCED me to help her out…
Actually, I was glad to do it. We Super Heroes have to stick together. League of Injustice? Alfredo the Butler told me to do it. My cape became an apron.
Thank you Eve/Eva/Paula/Patty for giving me the drugs to make the pain subside. Thank you Bruno for buying me the first drink to aide in that process as well. Thank you Matt…. For just being Matt.
Here’s some more insight about me… I love to cook. I do it as a hobby because if I did it for a living, I would probably hate it….and it would kill me. It makes me feel like a project manager. It has a start and a deadline and when it’s over, I always celebrate. I LOVE the thrill of the job. I think it has to do with the crazy. I worked kitchen for a while and Anthony Bourdain wrote about it perfectly in a book called Kitchen Confidential. In short, you have to be Krazy (yes darlin’ I used the K for u) to work kitchen. By working catered functions, I can remind myself of that without working kitchen. I can’t imagine going thru that hell every day. Really, only if I was side by side with J-Bo would I even consider it. Never having enlisted, it’s the closest I can imagine to war. To be successful, you have to have a military mentality and you have to have addictions. Semper Fi.
So after the function yesterday, I had to celebrate like a sailor on leave and LunchBox was kind enough to join me.
We’ve been discussing what blog will come next. There is a beauty coming about ruining songs… but not today.
There is several in the works about the perfect happy hour and there’s definitely one about Quitney aka Triple Nipple. But…
We’ve been talking about the idea of PreHab for a while now.
Insurance pays for ReHab…. Y not PreHab? ‘Box and I would be glad to teach this course and charge an exhorbitent amount of money. We could take your celebs and your athletes and give them 28 days of learning about how to drink. We could teach you how to behave in public, how to tip a bartender, how to avoid embarrassing situations, how to not get in fights, how to blend in… basically how to maintain. Every meeting we would sing Amy Winehouse’s ReHab ( No No NO!) and we would recite the 12 steps of drinking (see the blog coming soon)) and we would try to make the bar a better place.
Imagine Pre Habilitation… no more obnoxious jackasses in the bar.
Can’t you see it…. Paris, don’t order the double shot of Jager… it won’t work out for you in the end.
Brit, don’t bring the kids to the bar… I don’t care if they have a Golden Tee. (Sean Preston, let the other one play!)
Lindsey don’t wear the loose tank top without a bra… the puppies will get free…and for God’s sake… just call a cab.
PacMan try Charlie’s… it’s just as much fun but no bouncers to shoot!
Is there a reason Andy Dick’s last name is Dick?
Can I have a gene removed so I can become a Baldwin?
If these people pay Dr. Drew for rehab, wouldn’t their money be better spent paying ‘Box and I to just follow them around and say…. Ummm… bad idea?
Sweety/Dude…. No one wants to see THAT. Christ, how hard is it to just wear panties? Is everyday laundry day at Brit’s house???
Honestly… rule one.., if you have to ask yourself, do I need one more…. The answer should ALWAYS be NO NO NO.
Why can’t people just be fun? If you are miserable, just get your drink on, stop at Quickie Mart on the way home, buy a twelve pack of Milwaukee’s Best and cry it off in private Nancy….

Preview of the 12 steps of PreHab… there is NO crying at the bar…..EVER…. unless the Flyers win the Cup (wow…. I have to think about capitalizing God but I don’t think twice about hitting shift for the Cup…. Geez) Ok….

My ADD kicked in.

Let’s go in this direction… Last night ‘Box and I decided to name a few new drinks…

A Lee Harvey Oswald….. 3 shots of Jack.

A JFK Jr….. A Skky and water.

A Kennedy Momma… Bourbon and wild Irish Rose.

A Princess Di…. Crown on top of a wallbanger.

An Obi Skywalker… an alec Guiness with Skyy and Johnnie Walker.

A Natalie Holloway….”Do hers” on the rocks

Of course…. A Brittany Spears… Mad Dog and RedBull….
With a pickle. (spears…. Duh!)

A John Wayne Gacy…. “Stole he” and Lime (a bag).

A Clay Aiken… anything… but it comes in the can.

And so ends my Molsen Prison Blues!

Thanks again to all my friends who make it all worthwhile.