The Freakin’ Weekend Baby?

The Remix?

What a great weekend. Don’t know where to start.

Ok… Eve/Eva/Paula/Patty will now be known as Wilma… and we approve of Mr. Flintstone.

Jill (whose name is never protected because she’s not innocent) was an integral part of my weekend. Her husband Steve (not his real name) gave me a great gift this weekend by taking me to the Twins-Yankees game. I am such a fan of small park baseball and It got me so excited for next year when the Tampa Rays come to town. I’m putting my resume together right now to get my job as beerman back for MLB! Steve offered to give me and ‘Box tix for the Sox later this week and I want to do it just to see another spring training park and maybe to hang out with a new friend who’s kinda cute.

Ok… the weekend…

Congrats Pool Princess. Your grand opening was absolutely grand. You deserve every ounce of success that you get. I do wish you had been wearing bunny ears though.

On to the funny…

Saturday morning…

Everyone who knows me knows my Friday night ritual. They know I spend Friday night at the bowling alley with my new favorite bartender of all time M&M. Friday is Men’s night and we have a great time betting on anything that moves and poking fun at life and people in general. We missed the ‘Box who was sick but Jill filled in nicely.

Friday night usually runs late. My angelic mother was on a mission to wake me up Saturday morning, but I prepped her on Friday by telling her under no circumstances was she to even think about disturbing me before 10AM.

The doorbell rang at 8.

Just because it was her, I put on pants. Normally I would not have.

Again, anyone who knows me knows how short of patience I am…especially first thing in the morning… with a hangover.

I stormed to the door ready to let Ol’ mommom have it with both barrels for disregarding my instructions to ‘do not disturb’.

But what to my wondering eyes should appear….

A pair of “Witnesses” spreading the word…

The conversation was short and sweet… “Have you found Jesus?”

“Didn’t know he was missing”

Literature in hand, door closed, I was so glad I put on pants.

When Momma did show, I knew the day was set when she started the conversation with “I bought a bottle of wine at a yard sale this morning”.

Think about that for a while.

Honestly… only here. Who buys wine at a yard sale? Who sells wine at a yard sale? The specifics of the conversation get better but there’s so much more to the weekend that if I go into I won’t get to the best parts of the weekend.

Saturday afternoon was spent with J nnay who is always so much fun and Jill and friends who almost got me beaten for stealing a purse. Saturday night was spent with WonderTwin and the Nipper who are my reason to be in SWFL. Sunday morning was spent making breakfast for the extended family which I would gladly do every morning because “family” is the best thing in the world… which reminds me… Happy Birthday SweetPea. I wish I had known. I would have tried harder to be there to watch the “non” sunset with you.

The “you have to smile” story comes from my newest superhero.

We shall call her BeerGal…

I’m not sure exactly, but I think she’s 4.

BeerGal is lucky enough to have the proper uprbringing. Her parents have taught her right from wrong and she has all the basics down pat. She is courteous and proper and above all the second cutest child I’ve ever met. She’s three feet tall and makes you smile because she is such a happy child! Don’t get me wrong… she is pure evil on the inside but she covers it with the sweetest of shells.

She calls me Mr. Uncle Fungus.

So… while at Jill and Steve’s (not his real name) house after the Twins game, we polished a few beers off and watched the end of the race. Having had a few at the ballpark and a few more at the house, I found the need to make use of the facilities. While standing and aiming, I heard the handle turn and promptly called out the “whoa whoa whoa” knowing it was probably one of the two children. Having spent enough time with my own little godchild, I know that children are the reason that we have the ability to smile. You never know what’s coming out of their mouths or what they will do. You can not be mad at a child, especially if they are as adorable as the Nipper or Jill’s youngest….

The door stopped at a crack…

And the tiniest of hands reached inside…

Holding out a Budweiser.

It seems Jill had told the littlest of girls that Mr. Uncle Fungus needed a fresh one.

She is now BeerGal.

After leaving Jill and Steve’s, I proceeded to meet ‘Box at one of our watering holes to hang out with Ray Ray who knows who the greatest band of all times is. We decided to entertain the snowbirds with our brand of humor by continuing our list of non-pc drinks.

An Olga Korbut… (Jim) Beam and a (Johnny) Walker

A George Michael… Bud in the Can.

A Princess Grace… Crown on the rocks

A Sonny Bono… Bloody Mary and a Mudslide (a Bloodslide?)

An Oswald Cobblepot… Two Fingers Tequila and a Swedish Fish.

That got Ray Ray and I started onto naming baseball series’s…

Remember… attention deficit!
I gave Ray Ray the punch line and he had to come up with the joke…

Twins and Yankees…

It didn’t take long.

Hermaphrodite All Star Game?

That led to the Yogi Bear… Twins and Rangers (boo boo)

The George Jetson… Twins and Astros

The Emerald City… Twins and Rays

The Hustler… Twins and A’s

The Brigette Nielson…. Twins and Giants

Which led us to the best stripper names…

My favorite has always been….

The Minnesota Twins…

‘Box is going with Melon-y

Ray Ray is still undecided….

But you see where we’re going… right?

What do you mean “last call”? Where did the time go?