Songs in the Siesta Key of Life

All new month, all new year, all new crawl. This month, Big Mikey and I were talked into crawling around Siesta Key. I’m an off-the-beaten-path kind of guy, so this would be a little different than what I’m used to. Traveling down a busy main street where all the bars are within walking distance should make it a little easier on us, especially with the price of gas nowadays, but I’m a little leery of the crowds and having to wait for a beverage!

That being said, let’s commence to crawlin’…

Step ½) We had to prime the pump, so stopped at Friday’s in Port Charlotte. We only had one, but it sure is good to see Ray Ray back behind the bar… honestly, that suit and tie thing was not you, dude! On to Siesta Key…

Step 1) Well, we thought we had found a great little bar right off the bat. How could we NOT stop at a place called Jiffy Lube? C’mon! It turned out to be some kind of an auto place, and they really seemed to take offense at us asking about Happy Hour specials. They did talk us into a quart and a filter, and we promised to never come back. And, in return, they sent us out to the strip and into the Siesta Key Oyster Bar. It was their grand re-opening and I really didn’t think I was going to like it much. It was a little crowded and I thought I was going to struggle to keep up my normal pace but, as luck would have it, we found the back bar. Ah yes… the back bar. I love the back bar. Those are two words that never fail to make me smile. No one ever knows about the back bar! To make it that much better, we lucked into a great little bartender as well…Amy. Another transplant from Michigan (my, we seem to get a lot of those down here) with a great smile and some beautiful eyes. She had Big Mikey and me at “Hello!” She was quick on the draw, and nice and chatty. While I was eavesdropping on her conversation, I’m pretty sure I heard her say she was a karaoke rapper… now THAT you don’t see every day. She did a great job helping us celebrate the King’s birthday, and Mike and I thought they should rename the bar “Jiffy Lube,” but they didn’t seem to share our offbeat attempt at humor. We hoisted a couple and made some friends, and enjoyed the new jet dryers in the men’s room. I talked myself out of a dozen oysters, although it would have been well worth the five bucks to see Mikey gag while I slurped them down. I do have to say Amy was the highlight of the crawl, and I want to go back just to see her. It was a great outside bar and I’ll go back again. The entertainment was good, as well as the service and the people. Go see!

Step 2) Across the street to Gilligan’s. I had been there before so knew what to expect…and it didn’t disappoint. I’ve never had a bad time there. I’ve always been there during the day so I don’t really know what the nightlife is like, but I’m betting that this place turns it up a notch at night. They have a great hidden back courtyard that is a perfect little hideaway worthy of Key West. We enjoyed our bartenders Chrissy and Jennifer immensely, and thanks to Pat for following us over from the Oyster Bar and buying us a pitcher. For future reference…I’m now making it my policy that ANYONE who buys me a pitcher, I WILL mention you in my article. C’mon, I need to get something for providing this service to y’all. Chrissy told us to stay on “the block that rocks” and pointed us to…

Step 3) The Daiquiri Deck. If you’ve ever been to Fat Tuesday’s on South Street in Philly, or the one in Key West, or the one in New Orleans, or the one in (insert city here), you know what the Daiquiri Deck is like. With a couple dozen frozen drink dispensers, it’s easy to accomplish brain freeze in a hurry. It’s also a good place to fill the void in the stomach. I recommend everything on the menu. We stayed on the block and strolled on down to…

Step 4) The Beach Club. It’s about a block down on the right. It’s a beauty of a big ole bar with somewhere between one and two million TVs. Again, it was still afternoon so I don’t know for sure, but I’m betting it gets a nice crowd at night. It was certainly big enough to handle it. We lucked into another cutie of a bartender…Kristy? I’m not sure of her name, because by this time we had toasted Elvis’ birthday quite a few times, and had almost gotten to one for every year he was alive. I do know she was another good bartender, and definitely easy on the eyes. It was time to leave the block, so Big Mikey and I waddled on down to the next stop on our excellent adventure.

Step 5) The Salty Dog. I kinda liked this one a lot. Again, we found another place with good food and good service. By this time, Mike and I were actually considering driving to Memphis and digging up the King and begging him to sing. Neither of us has been to Graceland, but it is on my list of “must do before I die.” I want to see that porcelain monkey in the Jungle Room.

Step 6) Coasters… on the way off the Key on the right-hand side, just after the bridge. This has been a favorite of mine since my buddy Ray (different Ray) talked me into it many months ago. I do so love a place with multiple bars. We worked our way to the back bar…of course… and played some NTN trivia. No shortage of boxes or worthy players at this scenic on-the-water bar. By this time, Mike had worked himself into that stage where we discuss why we hate all other humans. He’s trying to talk me into writing a book on bar “etiquette” because “people just don’t know how to drink anymore.” We’d come up with at least 30 rules by the end of our second Budweiser and Mike was starting to get his blood pressure a-risin’. My particular favorite of his is, “By the time you’re 25, you should know what you’re gonna drink and you shouldn’t have to think about what you’re gonna have.” I have to agree with that. You non-professionals are just slowing our bartenders down.

Step 6½) Home again. I have to say, I did enjoy our little crawl to Siesta Key… lots of new friends and lots of good bartenders. Amy, you are now among my favorites! I can’t wait to get back up there and do it all again. If you get the chance, visit the Key… oh…did I forget to mention that the Travel Channel ranks the beach as Florida’s Best Beach? Oh yeah… did I also forget to mention there’s a beach there? I keep forgetting that kind of stuff. I guess I’m just focused on the bars and those behind them… greatest natural resource and all.

I have to close with a hearty welcome to Aiden Kade Leary. He showed up nine weeks early, but I think he just wants to hurry up and bar crawl with his Uncle Fungus! Glad you made it here!

Hope to see y’all out there, and don’t forget the “buy us a pitcher” deal! Toodles.