Posts
Hi there boys and girls.
I had a post written awhile back and all it needed were the pictures added.
Then I wanted to change it to a new idea.
Then I got drunk.
Box too.
Now, I am juggling a bunch of things right now, but I will have a new one up by Monday BECAUSE... I'm flying out on TUESDAY.
That means all you PA peeps who read me need to contact me and schedule your drinking time.
The trip to OBX leaves Friday and returns the following Saturday.
YOU KNOW there will be plenty of posts from that trip!!!
And yes...
There is a layover on this flight!
and yes...
I have not booked the return flight...
C'mon...
I'd only cancel it anyway
Keep checking and thanks for reading.
Take the poll at the bottom!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
Back in the FL
To all you that voted that I wouldn't leave PA…
YOU'RE WRONG!!
My flight back was a great one. Someone remind me to send an email to http://www.usa3000.com/ and comment on how great their service is. They got me into town 40 minutes early. They beat United by a good 15 hours!
Anyway, being back in town has put me right back under the gun again. I was able to get to Damsel's birthday party, although 'Box and I ruined the surprised by stopping in on Wed. after a couple buckets and wings at the ex-Jet kickers place (if he wants me to use the name, I gots to get paid!).
The party went well and led to a couple more days of a whirlwind tour of "welcome back to town", complete with some kind of monkey jello shots at the Nav-A Gator (they don't have to pay me!).
Since there's so much to relay… it's on to the funny.
First, here's a picture of my volleyball team from the Rumble back in June. Yes, this is the team that let this old man walk off the court playing in the highest division, in the biggest tourney on the east coast, making the playoffs and beating a team of 18yo's 15-1.
We forfeited our spot in the playoffs due to the 3 hour wait for them to start. Old muscles seem to stiffen when they are forced to sit that long. Besides, it was well passed beer-thirty and we had already proven that we could still play one last time. I was so proud that after a 6 year layoff I didn't embarrass myself and also so proud of my teammates that they put up with this fat, slow old man. I have pictures of me in motion that will remain "un-blogged" at this time. Anyway, thanks guys.Next… Here is what I've been doing in PA. For those of you that don't know, I was one half of a company known as Cherrystone Graphics. We were a textile silkscreening company that had very good success printing for the AVP (beach volleyball) and the NLL (pro lacrosse). We also did work for QVC (a home shopping channel) and ran our own line of volleyball apparel (VB Bones). There are way too many stories to even start this subject in this forum, so I will just say it was a great experience that I will always remember.
My partner in crime at CG is Dubya. When I'm in PA and he has work (he still dabbles part time, having since moved into the technology field) he will set me up back behind the "wheels of steel" and allow me to produce his wonderful designs.
Here are just a few.
Having been in the "t-shirt" business for quite the while, here are some designs I would have liked to have produced! They are collected from http://www.snorgtees.com/ and http://www.tshirthell.com/.
These ALL apply to me.
Strategically printed low
Just plain funny
For Mr. and Mrs. Rhythm
For my friend Cinderella, who lives in Idaho, miss ya 'Pea!
For 'Box!
Not PC?
Three from T-Shirt Hell's Baby Hell
The last one will lead me into 'Box and I's next foray into funny. It is taken from a scene in Talladega Nights where Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are improv-ing saying Grace. They argue over how to picture Jesus and one of John C. Reilly's visions starts with "I like to picture Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt".
This scene has gotten 'Box and I to start texting each other with random thoughts on IL2PJ… (I like to picture Jesus)
Here's a teaser…
My favorite from 'Box…
IL2PJ as a mediocre bass player in a Foghat cover band.
His favorite from me…
IL2PJ as a senator from the great state of Milwaukee
Let me know if you think this idea is funny. I think it's hilarious but I've been called offbeat before.
Here's some more from the list of un-PC album titles:
Eric Clapton: Open Window
Freddy Mercury: Full Blown
Nancy Wilson: The Titanic Soundtrack
Santana: Up On the Roof
Karen Carpenter: All Out of Lunch
Earth, Wind, and Fire: Hurricane Katrina
Phil Spector: My Aim is True
Pussycat Dolls: Tunnels of Love
James Brown: Under a Good Foot
James Brown: Poppa's Got a Brand New Body Bag
Snoop Dogg: Weedin' with a Ho'
Boy George: You'll Be a Woman Soon
Vince Neill: Grabacab
Michael Jackson: My Roots are on Fire
Michael Jackson: Smokin' in the Boys Room
Kurt Cobain: Shooting My Mouth Off
Aretha Franklin: MacArthur Pork
Madonna: Yankin' the Rod
Johnny Cash, Jerry Garcia, Elvis, & Freddy Fender: Box Set.
Any of those funny?
Here's a picture of Breezy's rugrats. It was used in an advertisement for their dentist (I think it was the dentist.)
And last but not least….
Sitting at the rail, Box and I discussed…
If we were going to the Olympics, what country would we represent?
First the easy ones…
Turkey
Chile
Hungary
Greece
Then came the creative…
Tawain-on
Lickinstein
Largemenistan
Fatvia
Norweigh
Largentina
The Sandwich Islands
Isle of Mode
Bellyrus
Crowateya
El Salivador
Or my fav…
Mayonnaisia
Please take the time to add any and scroll down to vote on your favorite one!
Hope you enjoyed!
Coming next blog… more IL2PJs and we will be discussing exactly WHICH Olympic events we will participate in..
Beached Volleyball?
Stay tuned!
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Crab Salad
Good Morning…
Or is it?
I know I promised to write once a day while I was house sitting and of course I have not.
It’s a shame there isn’t a professional league for procrastinators… I would be the Manny Ramirez of it.
Oh Wait….NEWS FLASH.
Manny’s been traded.
Manny is now a member of the Atlanta Thrashers of the NHL.
Manny and Joe Torre, manager of the LA Dodgers:
J: Manny, we need you to play left field.
M: WHAAAAAAT?
J: Manny, left field.
M: WHAAAAAAT?
J: Go out and play left field Manny.
M: OKAAAAAY.
A candidate for the Hall of Fame fo’ sho’!
It’s been a less than stellar morning for me here today. It’s the end of the month and bill-paying time. Strike one.
This week I have lost the tiniest of screws out of two sets of glasses, bent a third pair and snapped a fourth. When it comes to glasses I am CURSED like no other. If you add together what I’ve spent in my lifetime so far on glasses, it would be enough money to buy the NY Yankees. (OK, maybe it just feels like it to me.)
Anyone with good vision want to call me and listen to the anger in my voice when it comes to discussing the frustration of trying to rescrew a mini-millimeter screw back into the hole with a butter knife while holding together the pieces of two flimsy ends of the frame and trying to keep the glass part where it needs to be?
And of course, I’m doing this while I can see absolutely NOTHING.
E-mail me for a list of obscenities that have spewn forth when the screw lands on the kitchen floor which already has 80,000 little pieces of other crap on it and an intricate pattern to boot. It’s mandatory that the foul verbiage continues constantly while I’m on my hands and knees panning for the screw. It is homage to my late grandfather who taught me the value of swearing at inanimate objects and continuously doing it until the item was found, fixed, or broken beyond repair. I’m pretty sure he made up combinations of swear words that would still amaze a dockworker. I remember my beloved old hound running to hide under the coffee table every time I broke out the tool box. He knew what was coming. Eyeglasses… strike two.
I’m missing SuperDarlin’s birthday this week AND gonna miss the yearly anniversary of Damsel’s birth next week. I HATE that I’m not going to be back home for this...I mean I REALLY HATE THIS ONE.
I miss all the people back in FL but since I had the opportunity to work here in PA I had to take it… and that SUCKS. Work should NEVER get in the way of what is truly important in life. I miss seeing my buddy Ray and seeing his newborn grow. I miss the Nipper…BADLY.
I miss WonderTwin and the gals, especially Not So Innocent Jill and Pool Diva.
Let’s add to this the facts that LunchBox is now out of a job and may be moving out of the area, the newfound throbbing in my right ear that I can hear nothing out of, the fact that I have had to care for 2 cats every morning and night this week, the fact that my good buddy Bob had to put down his faithful dog Gus this week which has done nothing but remind me of my faithful puppy from so long ago, and you have strikes 3 thru 10.
Let’s examine some of these things a little at a time…
If you know me… you know there is one and only one animal I will swerve to hit on the highway. It’s not quite as intense as my hatred for the University of Notre Dame but it’s close. Canned cat food is almost certainly the most disgusting thing on the face of this or any other planet. Why would anyone want to have a pet that craps in a box and makes you scoop it up…
Honestly… I’m asking.
I’m pretty sure if you were trapped in a fire, a cat would not alert the fire department nor drag you to safety. In fact, they would sit and lick themselves while you burned. They serve no purpose other than to infuriate me. I am reminded of an ex-wife.
The pain in my ear. I lost all the hearing in my right ear from an ear infection over a year ago. There may or may not be an operation to restore the hearing but it doesn’t matter since I have no insurance nor the money for such an operation. Shouldn’t basic healthcare be more important than a war thousands of miles away that claims to be protecting our oil interests but is still costing me a fortune at the pumps? Shouldn’t basic healthcare fall under the line about inalienable rights and the pursuit of happiness? It’s self-evident to me. How much different would Capitol Hill be if there were no healthcare for politicians? Would it change how things worked there?
Why can’t dogs live as long as humans? They really are one of the few things that make life bearable and should have a much longer lifespan.
RIP Gus.
Does LunchBox know how miserable life will be if he moves away? I’m not sure I can allow this to be an option.
This week our goal was to come up with the most un-PC list of album/CD titles that we could think of. It took 4 days and about 100 text messages at all hours of the day and night. We are nothing if not committed to the joke.
The list is being edited and updated and will be posted on the next blog, which will come sooner than later…YES BOX I KNOW I OWE YOU BEER!
Here are some nuggets from the Charlotte County Sun-Herald.
If you're going to steal someone else's checks, don't write the amount to yourself.
Apparently, Michael Frances Robinson didn't get the memo.
The 23-year-old Port Charlotte man was charged Wednesday with four counts of forgery and four counts of uttering a forged instrument.
The Charlotte County Sheriff's Office received a complaint in June from a man stating someone had stolen his checks and cashed them at Bank of America. The name on each check said "Michael Robinson," according to a sheriff's office report.
Robinson, of the 3800 block of Tamiami Trail, reportedly received a total of $1,350 from four checks.
Bank video of the transactions showed Robinson cashing the checks on four separate occasions, the report said.
Robinson told detectives he found the victim's checkbook in his yard, and forged the man's signature, according to the report.
Robinson is being held on $20,000 bond.
Do you think he saved a check for bail?
Report: Man brings toddler to drug deal
Authorities arrested an Englewood man who reportedly brought his 2-year-old son with him to purchase crack cocaine Monday.
The article goes on to state that because of a recently enacted law, this is now a felony and not a misdemeanor. Question, if you are stupid enough to take a child to a crack deal, is the upgrade in severity of punishment going to make you think twice before dragging said child in tow? Can’t you hear the decision making process… if I leave the child at home alone it’s just endangering and the deal is a misdemeanor… 2 misdemeanors vs. 1 felony? What to do, what to do.
I’m going to end with some funny things that I’ve accumulated in the past couple days and proceed to finalizing the non-pc list…
Here’s a teaser:
Michael Jackson: Gin and Juicy Juice
James Brown: No Longer Living in America
Amy Winehouse: Coughin’ to Coffin
R. Kelly: Golden Hits
Johnny Cash: Cashed In
Tupac: It’s a Rap
Feel free to join in!
Here’s a nice redneck tattoo.
Here’s a favorite of mine taken from Bits and Pieces.
Heath McLedger
And one more…
Why do I see Box and I replicating this silly feat!
I’ll be home before you know it Box… hang in there!
Or is it?
I know I promised to write once a day while I was house sitting and of course I have not.
It’s a shame there isn’t a professional league for procrastinators… I would be the Manny Ramirez of it.
Oh Wait….NEWS FLASH.
Manny’s been traded.
Manny is now a member of the Atlanta Thrashers of the NHL.
Manny and Joe Torre, manager of the LA Dodgers:
J: Manny, we need you to play left field.
M: WHAAAAAAT?
J: Manny, left field.
M: WHAAAAAAT?
J: Go out and play left field Manny.
M: OKAAAAAY.
A candidate for the Hall of Fame fo’ sho’!
It’s been a less than stellar morning for me here today. It’s the end of the month and bill-paying time. Strike one.
This week I have lost the tiniest of screws out of two sets of glasses, bent a third pair and snapped a fourth. When it comes to glasses I am CURSED like no other. If you add together what I’ve spent in my lifetime so far on glasses, it would be enough money to buy the NY Yankees. (OK, maybe it just feels like it to me.)
Anyone with good vision want to call me and listen to the anger in my voice when it comes to discussing the frustration of trying to rescrew a mini-millimeter screw back into the hole with a butter knife while holding together the pieces of two flimsy ends of the frame and trying to keep the glass part where it needs to be?
And of course, I’m doing this while I can see absolutely NOTHING.
E-mail me for a list of obscenities that have spewn forth when the screw lands on the kitchen floor which already has 80,000 little pieces of other crap on it and an intricate pattern to boot. It’s mandatory that the foul verbiage continues constantly while I’m on my hands and knees panning for the screw. It is homage to my late grandfather who taught me the value of swearing at inanimate objects and continuously doing it until the item was found, fixed, or broken beyond repair. I’m pretty sure he made up combinations of swear words that would still amaze a dockworker. I remember my beloved old hound running to hide under the coffee table every time I broke out the tool box. He knew what was coming. Eyeglasses… strike two.
I’m missing SuperDarlin’s birthday this week AND gonna miss the yearly anniversary of Damsel’s birth next week. I HATE that I’m not going to be back home for this...I mean I REALLY HATE THIS ONE.
I miss all the people back in FL but since I had the opportunity to work here in PA I had to take it… and that SUCKS. Work should NEVER get in the way of what is truly important in life. I miss seeing my buddy Ray and seeing his newborn grow. I miss the Nipper…BADLY.
I miss WonderTwin and the gals, especially Not So Innocent Jill and Pool Diva.
Let’s add to this the facts that LunchBox is now out of a job and may be moving out of the area, the newfound throbbing in my right ear that I can hear nothing out of, the fact that I have had to care for 2 cats every morning and night this week, the fact that my good buddy Bob had to put down his faithful dog Gus this week which has done nothing but remind me of my faithful puppy from so long ago, and you have strikes 3 thru 10.
Let’s examine some of these things a little at a time…
If you know me… you know there is one and only one animal I will swerve to hit on the highway. It’s not quite as intense as my hatred for the University of Notre Dame but it’s close. Canned cat food is almost certainly the most disgusting thing on the face of this or any other planet. Why would anyone want to have a pet that craps in a box and makes you scoop it up… Honestly… I’m asking.
I’m pretty sure if you were trapped in a fire, a cat would not alert the fire department nor drag you to safety. In fact, they would sit and lick themselves while you burned. They serve no purpose other than to infuriate me. I am reminded of an ex-wife.
The pain in my ear. I lost all the hearing in my right ear from an ear infection over a year ago. There may or may not be an operation to restore the hearing but it doesn’t matter since I have no insurance nor the money for such an operation. Shouldn’t basic healthcare be more important than a war thousands of miles away that claims to be protecting our oil interests but is still costing me a fortune at the pumps? Shouldn’t basic healthcare fall under the line about inalienable rights and the pursuit of happiness? It’s self-evident to me. How much different would Capitol Hill be if there were no healthcare for politicians? Would it change how things worked there?
Why can’t dogs live as long as humans? They really are one of the few things that make life bearable and should have a much longer lifespan.
RIP Gus.
Does LunchBox know how miserable life will be if he moves away? I’m not sure I can allow this to be an option.
This week our goal was to come up with the most un-PC list of album/CD titles that we could think of. It took 4 days and about 100 text messages at all hours of the day and night. We are nothing if not committed to the joke.
The list is being edited and updated and will be posted on the next blog, which will come sooner than later…YES BOX I KNOW I OWE YOU BEER!
Here are some nuggets from the Charlotte County Sun-Herald.
If you're going to steal someone else's checks, don't write the amount to yourself.
Apparently, Michael Frances Robinson didn't get the memo.
The 23-year-old Port Charlotte man was charged Wednesday with four counts of forgery and four counts of uttering a forged instrument.
The Charlotte County Sheriff's Office received a complaint in June from a man stating someone had stolen his checks and cashed them at Bank of America. The name on each check said "Michael Robinson," according to a sheriff's office report.
Robinson, of the 3800 block of Tamiami Trail, reportedly received a total of $1,350 from four checks.
Bank video of the transactions showed Robinson cashing the checks on four separate occasions, the report said.
Robinson told detectives he found the victim's checkbook in his yard, and forged the man's signature, according to the report.
Robinson is being held on $20,000 bond.
Do you think he saved a check for bail?
Report: Man brings toddler to drug deal
Authorities arrested an Englewood man who reportedly brought his 2-year-old son with him to purchase crack cocaine Monday.
The article goes on to state that because of a recently enacted law, this is now a felony and not a misdemeanor. Question, if you are stupid enough to take a child to a crack deal, is the upgrade in severity of punishment going to make you think twice before dragging said child in tow? Can’t you hear the decision making process… if I leave the child at home alone it’s just endangering and the deal is a misdemeanor… 2 misdemeanors vs. 1 felony? What to do, what to do.
I’m going to end with some funny things that I’ve accumulated in the past couple days and proceed to finalizing the non-pc list…
Here’s a teaser:
Michael Jackson: Gin and Juicy Juice
James Brown: No Longer Living in America
Amy Winehouse: Coughin’ to Coffin
R. Kelly: Golden Hits
Johnny Cash: Cashed In
Tupac: It’s a Rap
Feel free to join in!
Here’s a nice redneck tattoo.
Here’s a favorite of mine taken from Bits and Pieces.
Heath McLedger
And one more…
Why do I see Box and I replicating this silly feat!
I’ll be home before you know it Box… hang in there!
Friday, July 18, 2008
Flying Too Close to the Ground
Here I am again… back in the Pennsyl of Vania.
The last blog was just hours before I left for the airport for what was supposed to be a 7AM flight.
HAHA.
Guess again.
What follows will be the account of my 16 hour journey from Fort Myers, FL to Coatesville, PA via Chicago, IL.
Yes... Chicago.
Yes... 16 hours.
No... I wasn't driving.
The flight was a frequent flyer gift from my mother’s reserve due to the need to fly in a huge hurry to attend the funeral of a friend. It was a trip I was not at all anxious to make. It was a trip I would have given pretty many things not to have occurred. It was a trip that was mandatory. So of course it was a nightmare.
The miles were on USAir, an airline I never fly if I can help it. They are rarely on time and the lost luggage stories of friends and family are long enough to fill a blog and a half.
Because USAir could not accommodate my needs, their affiliate United Airlines got the task of getting me to the chapel on time.
Here goes:
I was later than I would have liked to be getting to Fort Myers airport. I had stayed up the night before paying bills, writing a memorial blog, writing a temporary blog for here, packing, and generally taking care of all that crap that one stresses over when leaving home. Mind you, the packing was easy. I was going for a viewing, a funeral, and flying back the next day. One suit, one tie, one pair of dress pants, one collared shirt, wing-tips, one pair of shorts and two tee shirts. Socks were optional since the pants were long enough to hide their existence, but I packed a pair just on principle because my lovely PA friend Shemptini would ride me all day if I didn’t wear socks. (She’s good like that).
I packed in a large suitcase because the last time I was in PA (10 days before) I had to leave things that would not fit into my “queen of the beach” bag. I left my light-up shoes at home as well. I had hoped to bring all the things back that I had left. I took my laptop as I would never leave home without THAT.
Back to the trip… Dear Sweet Momma picks me up at 5AM… 5:07 to be exact because I told her 5:15 and I knew she would be early. She brought me a cup of coffee and a sweet roll for the trip. Traffic was light (as it should be at 5AM) but DSM will not drive over 60…ever. I was a little nervous but not much since SWFL airport is small and it was a Wed.
The drop-off is made and hugs and “I love you’s” exchanged.
Then I hit the terminal.
There was only one line and yes it was my flight. ALL other counters were abandoned. It was nearing boarding time and I still had to check in but I don’t get flustered in airports. I have flown enough to know that eventually everyone who is supposed to get on a plane WILL get on the plane. I was recently reminded of an adventure I took with a friend long ago who had terminal lung and bone cancer. He had wanted to see Wrigley Field before he died and a friend and I went along. On the return trip, we got lost, ran late, goofed off, or all of the above and checked in at ticketing rather late. I remember the words EXACTLY from the countergal.
“You boys may want to run”
My buddy and I took off a-running but our friend who had a hip replaced and was working on one good lung and used a cane was not as mobile. He said he would do his best and thought the smart thing to do would be for us to run ahead and try to hold the plane.
We ran.
When we arrived at the gate the countergal had just shut the door. We explained the situation and were told under NO circumstances would we be making this flight. We begged and pleaded with a headshake every time…
Until Mikey arrived on the tram… with his head bald from chemo and his cane in hand.
She picked up the phone.
The plane was returned to the gate to let us on. Faces were angry as my friend and I walked the aisle of shame towards the seats in the back, but they changed quite a bit after Mikey worked his way behind us. I am reminded of it when I see people quick to anger at situations where one might not have all the facts.
Anyway, back to RSW (the Fort Myers airport code). I noticed on the teeny tiny monitor that my flight, going to O’Hare in Chicago, had been bumped from 7AM to 8AM, which was a good thing since the two gentlemen working the counter checking people in were “heads or tails” to remain alive until I reached them. Honestly, I live in SWFL, where the average age approaches the temperature on any given July day. I understand that ANY line will not be moving in SWFL. This one was no exception. An Air Wisconsin gentleman was trying to help people with self check-in to try to alleviate the backup.
Side tangent… Doesn’t airfare cost enough to staff a counter? I don’t want to ring myself out at the grocery store or at Home Depot or the frickin’ airport! Will I have self haircuts next where I just pay them to use their chair and scissors? Can we go ahead and blow the extra $7/hr and hire someone? Maybe someone collecting Welfare could step in???
Anyway, after winding my way and finally getting the grand prize that was my turn at the counter, I was told that my connector in Chicago going to Philly would be missed and I would be rebooked on the next available. What was to be a half hour layover would now become two and a half. I’ve told this story enough that I don’t remember the exact times spent in each airport, but I darn sure remember the start/finish!
Because I don’t easily rattle, I took my seat assignment and boarding pass with a smile and cracked a joke to the poor septuagenarian working the counter. I had to help him with my bag even though it wasn’t full and I cracked a little joke about “how could I possibly be upset, I was headed to Philly. Any delay would be welcomed.” I think he appreciated the change of demeanor from the panic of the rest of the passengers.
Flight left… oh sometime or another… I slept pretty much from the time my butt hit the seat until the air hostess/flight attendant/stewardess/whatever they are called now woke me up to tell me the local temperature in Chicago. I wasn’t leaving the terminal. I didn’t pay attention to the temperature.
Two hours to kill in Chicago. Ok, I can do that. Every airport has a bar. Hmmm 10:30AM…little too early even for me. (sometimes!)
I found an outlet to recharge the phone. I found a wireless kiosk to connect to (didn’t work, but I wasn’t surprised). I sent 20 text messages and made a dozen phone calls. Everyone who knows me KNOWS there will be some adventure; I had to alert them all! I walked all of terminal B. I went into a couple of bookstores and contemplated lunch before my plane embarked at 1:30, but couldn’t bring myself to spend the 8 bucks for a deli sandwich made at sunup and wrapped in cellophane.
Well I thought it left at 1:30.
I found my gate and was informed that flight had since been bumped an hour later due to weather. Geez.
Now it begins. I bought a pack of chewing gum to kill the coffee/morning/sleep on the plane breath I had working. I’m an excellent bubble blower so I amused myself and several small children around me with almost an hour of blowing bubbles the size of my head and trying not to get them stuck in my mustache and goatee. The kids were amazed.
Update on the flight… add another hour.
More phone calls and text messages. I started a game with my friend Dead Clown whereby we texted each other only in Chicago lyrics. He started with something about me being the "Inspiration" and that my layover would be 25 or 6 to 4. I countered with Wednesday, in the park, I think it was the 9th of July.
This went on until the next addition of 40 minutes to departure time.
Yes… you are thinking what I was thinking.
BAR.
I rewalked Terminal B for the 20th time only to find both bars full. I stopped at one and was about to order a beverage when my phone rang. I grabbed a seat and had a 20 minute conversation with the Sausage Queen of Atlanta. We laughed and she made me smile as only she can with her sweet southern twang. She was reminding me that I owed her dinner because her beloved Bulldogs had outlasted my FL teams in the College World Series. I got no service at the bar during the conversation, so I walked a little farther and found a Quizno’s.
Yes a Quizno’s.
A Quizno’s with beer. Seven dollar drafts to be exact.
I had a couple of Budweisers, talked to a guy on layover headed to Alaska buying sandwiches for his flight (remember when you used to get a meal on a flight?) I chatted up the bartender (Harriet) who I promised I would say goodbye to when I left. She was irked because people never said goodbye to her when they left, they just hurried off. “I have feelings” were her words I believe. I ran up a $30 tab.
By this time the flight had been bumped another 30 minutes and I had texted and called everyone I knew. I joined my fellow flyers to moan in unison until our time came.
It did.
We were corralled onto the jet, ready to roll.
WRONG.
“This is your captain speaking. Due to congestion around Philadelphia airport FAA has grounded us here on the tarmac. Our staff has had a long day as well so please bear with us. We have been told an update will be coming in 30 minutes, but we expect to wait at least an hour until resuming our flight. I will update you in 30 minutes. We apologize for the delay”
Nice.
I struck up a conversation with a gentleman in front of me. He was a last minute add coming from overseas. We were sitting in the emergency exit rows and discussed rallying the passengers. I suggested we tunnel out and he was leaning towards a hostile takeover, having had some flying experience.
The woman next to us seemed oddly frightened.
I was meeting a friend in Philly who was also flying in for the funeral. She was coming from Hawaii. She was concerned that I would be waiting too long in the airport to offer her a ride home. She was due in at 5:30. I was originally due in at 1. She was stuck in Harrisburg refueling because they didn’t have the gas to circle Philly any more.
“This is your captain speaking…
FAA has added another 30 minutes to the delay as expected. We are turning the seatbelt sign off so feel free to travel about the cabin.”
I tried to organize a basketball game and a nature hike. Really, travel about the cabin? Where did he expect us to go? Were we gonna start races? Hide and Seek?
And where the hell is the drink cart!!! My flight buddy in front of me was all over that one!
We started making up fake captain’s announcements…
“This is your captain speaking…
Umm… the airline has gone bankrupt. Your luggage has been seized as an asset and will be auctioned off. We apologize for the inconvenience and thank you again for flying United Airlines. We realize you have a choice in air travel and we’re pretty sure it won’t be us again.”
Eventually the plane took off. We circled Philly for long enough. We met my galpal from Hawaii who arrived before me and scooted out of the Philadelphia Airport….
right into the delay on the Schuylkill Expressway.
I have decided to miss my return flight on United (big surprise) and stay in Philly with dear, dear friends until the first week of August. I took them up on an offer to soak up AC and housesit for them while they are in Mexico. I’m hoping that I will find the time to write all those blogs from the last trip that I put off. I’ve made myself a mental promise to try to blog once a day while they are gone….SO try to keep up.
I can see ‘Box laughing because he thinks he knows it won’t happen. (Bet me a beer Big Man?)
That’s enough for today… I have to go to Walmart for clothes!
By the way, I booked my airfare back.
I’m flying FedEx.
The last blog was just hours before I left for the airport for what was supposed to be a 7AM flight.
HAHA.
Guess again.
What follows will be the account of my 16 hour journey from Fort Myers, FL to Coatesville, PA via Chicago, IL.
Yes... Chicago.
Yes... 16 hours.
No... I wasn't driving.
The flight was a frequent flyer gift from my mother’s reserve due to the need to fly in a huge hurry to attend the funeral of a friend. It was a trip I was not at all anxious to make. It was a trip I would have given pretty many things not to have occurred. It was a trip that was mandatory. So of course it was a nightmare.
The miles were on USAir, an airline I never fly if I can help it. They are rarely on time and the lost luggage stories of friends and family are long enough to fill a blog and a half.
Because USAir could not accommodate my needs, their affiliate United Airlines got the task of getting me to the chapel on time.
Here goes:
I was later than I would have liked to be getting to Fort Myers airport. I had stayed up the night before paying bills, writing a memorial blog, writing a temporary blog for here, packing, and generally taking care of all that crap that one stresses over when leaving home. Mind you, the packing was easy. I was going for a viewing, a funeral, and flying back the next day. One suit, one tie, one pair of dress pants, one collared shirt, wing-tips, one pair of shorts and two tee shirts. Socks were optional since the pants were long enough to hide their existence, but I packed a pair just on principle because my lovely PA friend Shemptini would ride me all day if I didn’t wear socks. (She’s good like that).
I packed in a large suitcase because the last time I was in PA (10 days before) I had to leave things that would not fit into my “queen of the beach” bag. I left my light-up shoes at home as well. I had hoped to bring all the things back that I had left. I took my laptop as I would never leave home without THAT.
Back to the trip… Dear Sweet Momma picks me up at 5AM… 5:07 to be exact because I told her 5:15 and I knew she would be early. She brought me a cup of coffee and a sweet roll for the trip. Traffic was light (as it should be at 5AM) but DSM will not drive over 60…ever. I was a little nervous but not much since SWFL airport is small and it was a Wed.
The drop-off is made and hugs and “I love you’s” exchanged.
Then I hit the terminal.
There was only one line and yes it was my flight. ALL other counters were abandoned. It was nearing boarding time and I still had to check in but I don’t get flustered in airports. I have flown enough to know that eventually everyone who is supposed to get on a plane WILL get on the plane. I was recently reminded of an adventure I took with a friend long ago who had terminal lung and bone cancer. He had wanted to see Wrigley Field before he died and a friend and I went along. On the return trip, we got lost, ran late, goofed off, or all of the above and checked in at ticketing rather late. I remember the words EXACTLY from the countergal.
“You boys may want to run”
My buddy and I took off a-running but our friend who had a hip replaced and was working on one good lung and used a cane was not as mobile. He said he would do his best and thought the smart thing to do would be for us to run ahead and try to hold the plane.
We ran.
When we arrived at the gate the countergal had just shut the door. We explained the situation and were told under NO circumstances would we be making this flight. We begged and pleaded with a headshake every time…
Until Mikey arrived on the tram… with his head bald from chemo and his cane in hand.
She picked up the phone.
The plane was returned to the gate to let us on. Faces were angry as my friend and I walked the aisle of shame towards the seats in the back, but they changed quite a bit after Mikey worked his way behind us. I am reminded of it when I see people quick to anger at situations where one might not have all the facts.
Anyway, back to RSW (the Fort Myers airport code). I noticed on the teeny tiny monitor that my flight, going to O’Hare in Chicago, had been bumped from 7AM to 8AM, which was a good thing since the two gentlemen working the counter checking people in were “heads or tails” to remain alive until I reached them. Honestly, I live in SWFL, where the average age approaches the temperature on any given July day. I understand that ANY line will not be moving in SWFL. This one was no exception. An Air Wisconsin gentleman was trying to help people with self check-in to try to alleviate the backup.
Side tangent… Doesn’t airfare cost enough to staff a counter? I don’t want to ring myself out at the grocery store or at Home Depot or the frickin’ airport! Will I have self haircuts next where I just pay them to use their chair and scissors? Can we go ahead and blow the extra $7/hr and hire someone? Maybe someone collecting Welfare could step in???
Anyway, after winding my way and finally getting the grand prize that was my turn at the counter, I was told that my connector in Chicago going to Philly would be missed and I would be rebooked on the next available. What was to be a half hour layover would now become two and a half. I’ve told this story enough that I don’t remember the exact times spent in each airport, but I darn sure remember the start/finish!
Because I don’t easily rattle, I took my seat assignment and boarding pass with a smile and cracked a joke to the poor septuagenarian working the counter. I had to help him with my bag even though it wasn’t full and I cracked a little joke about “how could I possibly be upset, I was headed to Philly. Any delay would be welcomed.” I think he appreciated the change of demeanor from the panic of the rest of the passengers.
Flight left… oh sometime or another… I slept pretty much from the time my butt hit the seat until the air hostess/flight attendant/stewardess/whatever they are called now woke me up to tell me the local temperature in Chicago. I wasn’t leaving the terminal. I didn’t pay attention to the temperature.
Two hours to kill in Chicago. Ok, I can do that. Every airport has a bar. Hmmm 10:30AM…little too early even for me. (sometimes!)
I found an outlet to recharge the phone. I found a wireless kiosk to connect to (didn’t work, but I wasn’t surprised). I sent 20 text messages and made a dozen phone calls. Everyone who knows me KNOWS there will be some adventure; I had to alert them all! I walked all of terminal B. I went into a couple of bookstores and contemplated lunch before my plane embarked at 1:30, but couldn’t bring myself to spend the 8 bucks for a deli sandwich made at sunup and wrapped in cellophane.
Well I thought it left at 1:30.
I found my gate and was informed that flight had since been bumped an hour later due to weather. Geez.
Now it begins. I bought a pack of chewing gum to kill the coffee/morning/sleep on the plane breath I had working. I’m an excellent bubble blower so I amused myself and several small children around me with almost an hour of blowing bubbles the size of my head and trying not to get them stuck in my mustache and goatee. The kids were amazed.
Update on the flight… add another hour.
More phone calls and text messages. I started a game with my friend Dead Clown whereby we texted each other only in Chicago lyrics. He started with something about me being the "Inspiration" and that my layover would be 25 or 6 to 4. I countered with Wednesday, in the park, I think it was the 9th of July.
This went on until the next addition of 40 minutes to departure time.
Yes… you are thinking what I was thinking.
BAR.
I rewalked Terminal B for the 20th time only to find both bars full. I stopped at one and was about to order a beverage when my phone rang. I grabbed a seat and had a 20 minute conversation with the Sausage Queen of Atlanta. We laughed and she made me smile as only she can with her sweet southern twang. She was reminding me that I owed her dinner because her beloved Bulldogs had outlasted my FL teams in the College World Series. I got no service at the bar during the conversation, so I walked a little farther and found a Quizno’s.
Yes a Quizno’s.
A Quizno’s with beer. Seven dollar drafts to be exact.
I had a couple of Budweisers, talked to a guy on layover headed to Alaska buying sandwiches for his flight (remember when you used to get a meal on a flight?) I chatted up the bartender (Harriet) who I promised I would say goodbye to when I left. She was irked because people never said goodbye to her when they left, they just hurried off. “I have feelings” were her words I believe. I ran up a $30 tab.
By this time the flight had been bumped another 30 minutes and I had texted and called everyone I knew. I joined my fellow flyers to moan in unison until our time came.
It did.
We were corralled onto the jet, ready to roll.
WRONG.
“This is your captain speaking. Due to congestion around Philadelphia airport FAA has grounded us here on the tarmac. Our staff has had a long day as well so please bear with us. We have been told an update will be coming in 30 minutes, but we expect to wait at least an hour until resuming our flight. I will update you in 30 minutes. We apologize for the delay”
Nice.
I struck up a conversation with a gentleman in front of me. He was a last minute add coming from overseas. We were sitting in the emergency exit rows and discussed rallying the passengers. I suggested we tunnel out and he was leaning towards a hostile takeover, having had some flying experience.
The woman next to us seemed oddly frightened.
I was meeting a friend in Philly who was also flying in for the funeral. She was coming from Hawaii. She was concerned that I would be waiting too long in the airport to offer her a ride home. She was due in at 5:30. I was originally due in at 1. She was stuck in Harrisburg refueling because they didn’t have the gas to circle Philly any more.
“This is your captain speaking…
FAA has added another 30 minutes to the delay as expected. We are turning the seatbelt sign off so feel free to travel about the cabin.”
I tried to organize a basketball game and a nature hike. Really, travel about the cabin? Where did he expect us to go? Were we gonna start races? Hide and Seek?
And where the hell is the drink cart!!! My flight buddy in front of me was all over that one!
We started making up fake captain’s announcements…
“This is your captain speaking…
Umm… the airline has gone bankrupt. Your luggage has been seized as an asset and will be auctioned off. We apologize for the inconvenience and thank you again for flying United Airlines. We realize you have a choice in air travel and we’re pretty sure it won’t be us again.”
Eventually the plane took off. We circled Philly for long enough. We met my galpal from Hawaii who arrived before me and scooted out of the Philadelphia Airport….
right into the delay on the Schuylkill Expressway.
I have decided to miss my return flight on United (big surprise) and stay in Philly with dear, dear friends until the first week of August. I took them up on an offer to soak up AC and housesit for them while they are in Mexico. I’m hoping that I will find the time to write all those blogs from the last trip that I put off. I’ve made myself a mental promise to try to blog once a day while they are gone….SO try to keep up.
I can see ‘Box laughing because he thinks he knows it won’t happen. (Bet me a beer Big Man?)
That’s enough for today… I have to go to Walmart for clothes!
By the way, I booked my airfare back.
I’m flying FedEx.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
I Wanted To...
Well…
Been a long time coming.
And it may be awhile longer.
I just finished working on a new blog in memory of a very good friend of mine who passed away over the holiday weekend.
It is 1:30AM and my ride to the airport leaves at 5AM and of course I haven’t packed yet!
I am truly the KING of procrastination. Ask Box!
Anyway, I’ve been back in FL for approximately a week and it’s taken me that long to get back in the swing. Box and I have been catching up and generally reacquainting me with my long lost bartenders.
There was a nice little birthday party waiting for me when I got back. Damsel gave me a blanket to take with me on future adventures into the frozen tundra of Pennsylvania in the summer. We had a good time playing our new jukebox theme game, with the night’s theme being Professions (guessing that was a hint, huh guys?)
As I think about trying to get a couple hours sleep before I have to leave to get back on a plane for a trip I’d give almost anything not to have to make, I wonder what I’ll put into this blog…
I’ll post a few cool pictures of designs Dubya had me printing while I was in PA.
I’ll add a picture of the team I played the Pottstown Rumble with…
And the $5 Wal-Mart light up shoes I wore since I only packed flip-flops.
I want to add so much to these two stories… I want to tell the story of walking through two airports carrying a “Queen of the Beach” duffle bag barely able to walk due to the tournament and a day of helping move furniture while wearing light up shoes and the looks I got.
I want to add the pictures of Breezy and I taking cell phone pics of some girl’s big ole purple panties riding halfway up her back and the drunk at the end of the bar commenting after she left that “it looked like she was driving a funny car and the parachute deployed.”
I want to add some new funny photos that have been e-mailed to me.
I want to add the sound of Box laughing at me today when he texted me how the mowing was going… since the front yard was high enough to hide giraffes.
My reply to his text…
I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
Of course we made up a whole verse to the song.
I wanted to tell of the fun we had at Applebees with RayRay… singing Fergie’s hit “Big Girls Deep Fry”
I wanted to tell the stories of my birthday party in PA, my volleyball friends that carried an old man to his last time on the court…
I wanted to tell the story of B&K and the rhythm!
I wanted to add a new poll question...
I wanted to tell y'all that I now have the ability to e-mail you an update notice when I publish something new. Just e-mail me and tell me to add you!
I wanted to add a music player to the page so that you would be forced to listen to what I chose for the page...LOL.
I added a new link for a great web blog called Bits and Pieces...it is awesome, check it out.
I want to do all this and more…
But it will have to wait upon my return as it was proven to me all too cruelly how precious life is.
I promise I’ll be back writing up a storm when I get back…
I'll repost this blog in a week with all the stories and pictures (server wouldn't let me upload anything anyway and I'm drowsy besides).
For now…
RIP Benny C.
Been a long time coming.
And it may be awhile longer.
I just finished working on a new blog in memory of a very good friend of mine who passed away over the holiday weekend.
It is 1:30AM and my ride to the airport leaves at 5AM and of course I haven’t packed yet!
I am truly the KING of procrastination. Ask Box!
Anyway, I’ve been back in FL for approximately a week and it’s taken me that long to get back in the swing. Box and I have been catching up and generally reacquainting me with my long lost bartenders.
There was a nice little birthday party waiting for me when I got back. Damsel gave me a blanket to take with me on future adventures into the frozen tundra of Pennsylvania in the summer. We had a good time playing our new jukebox theme game, with the night’s theme being Professions (guessing that was a hint, huh guys?)
As I think about trying to get a couple hours sleep before I have to leave to get back on a plane for a trip I’d give almost anything not to have to make, I wonder what I’ll put into this blog…
I’ll post a few cool pictures of designs Dubya had me printing while I was in PA.
I’ll add a picture of the team I played the Pottstown Rumble with…
And the $5 Wal-Mart light up shoes I wore since I only packed flip-flops.
I want to add so much to these two stories… I want to tell the story of walking through two airports carrying a “Queen of the Beach” duffle bag barely able to walk due to the tournament and a day of helping move furniture while wearing light up shoes and the looks I got.
I want to add the pictures of Breezy and I taking cell phone pics of some girl’s big ole purple panties riding halfway up her back and the drunk at the end of the bar commenting after she left that “it looked like she was driving a funny car and the parachute deployed.”
I want to add some new funny photos that have been e-mailed to me.
I want to add the sound of Box laughing at me today when he texted me how the mowing was going… since the front yard was high enough to hide giraffes.
My reply to his text…
I fought the lawn and the lawn won.
Of course we made up a whole verse to the song.
I wanted to tell of the fun we had at Applebees with RayRay… singing Fergie’s hit “Big Girls Deep Fry”
I wanted to tell the stories of my birthday party in PA, my volleyball friends that carried an old man to his last time on the court…
I wanted to tell the story of B&K and the rhythm!
I wanted to add a new poll question...
I wanted to tell y'all that I now have the ability to e-mail you an update notice when I publish something new. Just e-mail me and tell me to add you!
I wanted to add a music player to the page so that you would be forced to listen to what I chose for the page...LOL.
I added a new link for a great web blog called Bits and Pieces...it is awesome, check it out.
I want to do all this and more…
But it will have to wait upon my return as it was proven to me all too cruelly how precious life is.
I promise I’ll be back writing up a storm when I get back…
I'll repost this blog in a week with all the stories and pictures (server wouldn't let me upload anything anyway and I'm drowsy besides).
For now…
RIP Benny C.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
More To Come....
Hey all...
Just wanted to let you know that I'm not quitting, just busy wrapping up the loose ends in PA before heading back to the F to the L to the A tomorrow.
Hang in there, there's plenty of story to come soon.
Just wanted to let you know that I'm not quitting, just busy wrapping up the loose ends in PA before heading back to the F to the L to the A tomorrow.
Hang in there, there's plenty of story to come soon.
More from Drift King at Myxer
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Enjoy Every Sandwich
“Enjoy every sandwich”… Warren Zevon.
These words were spoken by Warren on his last visit to Late Night with David Letterman. He was the only guest that evening, to date still the only time that has ever happened. It was his last televised spot well after he had been diagnosed with terminal mesothelioma and been given very little time left on this earth.
I remember it very explicitly.
I was in row 2.
Today I am still in PA on my adventure and let me tell you about the sandwich. It is roast beef, pepper jack cheese, horseradish sauce, lettuce, pickles, and a touch of bbq sauce on wheat bread.
This is EXACTLY why I am such a fan of Wawa. To all of you that have never had the pleasure to experience the greatest “quick-e” mart on the planet, I feel sad for you. I can’t even go into explaining all the options on the menu.
I, like the rest of the country, have had more than enough of automated phone services. You know, press 1 for Spanish, press 4 for account balance, and enter your ten digit phone number followed by your birth date, social security number and tag number. (Am I the only one that screws it up on the last of the 32 digits and has to start over?)
BUT…
I have found a home for this service. That home is Wawa! Each and every Wawa has a touch screen to build the perfect sandwich. It’s also used for ordering other things such as hot foods, breakfast sandwiches and deli, but it was MADE for constructing sandwiches. There’s no pimply-faced moron with piercings and ipod cords to deal with…there’s just you and your options. EVERYTHING is an option. You have your choice of meats, cheese types, toppings (including roasted red peppers), salt, pepper, grated parmesan, oregano, mustard, ketchup, etc. Toasted yes or no? Extra cheese? Bacon? It’s as close as you can get to having your own personal chef. The printer next to the screen spits out a ticket that you can take to the cashier while your creation is being assembled. I used the time to get my beverage….
AH… my beverage…
I of course bought the half gallon of tea…mandatory.
Let me tell you about beverage number two.
44oz.
Yes…44 wonderful ounces.
Iced Mocha Mint Coffee. 44oz. of iced delicious energy in a plastic cup.
Back to the adventure.
I have to say things have gotten substantially less comical without the caked crusader with me. I’m a third of the man I used to be! I can feel my maturity level rising and I don’t like it at all! I know the ‘Box misses me too. We are burning up the text wire.
He and Damsel are working on our next installment of the Death Pool (Dancing with the Worms or Making the Grave?) We’ve taken to running a pool every six months. You pick 5 celebrities who you think will die in the next 6 months. We all chip in, most deaths wins. Let me know if you want in…you have until Friday! I done picked mine already. Ironically I did pick Ted Kennedy in the last pool but I’m not picking him in this one because I’m pretty sure he’ll live for the next 6 months and I’ve given up on Amy Winehouse because I’m pretty sure she’s indestructible. Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer but has started filming a series so I think he will make 6 months as well. I do have some sneaky picks up my sleeve! Honestly how is Don Rickles still alive, let alone Abe Vigoda?
Today’s weather is 97 degrees and makes me miss home. WonderTwin, Momma, and Nipper have returned safely to God’s Waiting Room (FL) and I can’t be away from the lil princess long or my warning light begins to beep.
This is for her.
My temporary roomies are keeping me busy, and I love every minute of it. They are good for my soul. They are busy “beavers” who are never without a project or an idea. They run circles around me and make me realize just how lazy I truly am.
I’m okay with it though.
This blog is really just to keep y’all interested. The next one will come early next week. We are planning a FULL weekend. There’s a barcrawl planned for Friday afternoon and I’m headed to the Philadelphia Soul game on Saturday which just might spill into the parking lot party at the Buffett concert next door. Sunday will include some grilling for various Dads and there is much to do between now and then. There is a class to finish, some resume rewriting, ceiling fans to install, and a grill to renovate.
My camera will be accompanying me on the trip as I’m extremely upset at myself for not taking it with me last weekend. I missed some beautiful photo ops to show y’all where I was born and what the Amish life entails. I could have included pictures of my aunt whose birthday was the reason for the mecca to Amishland. I had a beautiful picture of 8 of the biggest plow horses being led down the road by a single Amishman. It needed smell-o-vision.
I want to include the newest Superhero in the blog. I’m calling her Breezy (I’m not tied to it though). She’s kinda hippy, kinda dippy… a breath of fresh air and a strong breeze could blow her over... She’s slightly airheaded. She’s my partner in terrorism (carbombing). ‘Box loves her too. Her kids have Mohawks for the summer and she gets the jokes.
This is from her.
Welcome Breezy!
I have to finish with a big “I miss you” to Damsel and the GNO gals. In my mind I’m sitting at Coral Rock today laughing about not so innocent Jill breaking my poor nipper’s piglet’s leg and missing pool diva’s smile. I can’t wait to see them all again…someone owes me a bunch of birthday kisses. I’m missing Damsel’s sense of humor having a nice warm flat beer waiting for me (just the way I like it). I miss the themed jukebox nights and sleeving beers while dreaming of our own taproom...and yes…oh yes… I’m missing the sidekick.
Is that smell gone from the truck Mr. Appleseed?
Save me the spot in the horseshoe…I’ll be home soon (I guess?)
In the meantime, enjoy that sandwich…I am.
These words were spoken by Warren on his last visit to Late Night with David Letterman. He was the only guest that evening, to date still the only time that has ever happened. It was his last televised spot well after he had been diagnosed with terminal mesothelioma and been given very little time left on this earth.
I remember it very explicitly.
I was in row 2.
Today I am still in PA on my adventure and let me tell you about the sandwich. It is roast beef, pepper jack cheese, horseradish sauce, lettuce, pickles, and a touch of bbq sauce on wheat bread.
This is EXACTLY why I am such a fan of Wawa. To all of you that have never had the pleasure to experience the greatest “quick-e” mart on the planet, I feel sad for you. I can’t even go into explaining all the options on the menu.
I, like the rest of the country, have had more than enough of automated phone services. You know, press 1 for Spanish, press 4 for account balance, and enter your ten digit phone number followed by your birth date, social security number and tag number. (Am I the only one that screws it up on the last of the 32 digits and has to start over?)
BUT…
I have found a home for this service. That home is Wawa! Each and every Wawa has a touch screen to build the perfect sandwich. It’s also used for ordering other things such as hot foods, breakfast sandwiches and deli, but it was MADE for constructing sandwiches. There’s no pimply-faced moron with piercings and ipod cords to deal with…there’s just you and your options. EVERYTHING is an option. You have your choice of meats, cheese types, toppings (including roasted red peppers), salt, pepper, grated parmesan, oregano, mustard, ketchup, etc. Toasted yes or no? Extra cheese? Bacon? It’s as close as you can get to having your own personal chef. The printer next to the screen spits out a ticket that you can take to the cashier while your creation is being assembled. I used the time to get my beverage….AH… my beverage…
I of course bought the half gallon of tea…mandatory.
Let me tell you about beverage number two.
44oz.
Yes…44 wonderful ounces.
Iced Mocha Mint Coffee. 44oz. of iced delicious energy in a plastic cup.
Back to the adventure.
I have to say things have gotten substantially less comical without the caked crusader with me. I’m a third of the man I used to be! I can feel my maturity level rising and I don’t like it at all! I know the ‘Box misses me too. We are burning up the text wire.
He and Damsel are working on our next installment of the Death Pool (Dancing with the Worms or Making the Grave?) We’ve taken to running a pool every six months. You pick 5 celebrities who you think will die in the next 6 months. We all chip in, most deaths wins. Let me know if you want in…you have until Friday! I done picked mine already. Ironically I did pick Ted Kennedy in the last pool but I’m not picking him in this one because I’m pretty sure he’ll live for the next 6 months and I’ve given up on Amy Winehouse because I’m pretty sure she’s indestructible. Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer but has started filming a series so I think he will make 6 months as well. I do have some sneaky picks up my sleeve! Honestly how is Don Rickles still alive, let alone Abe Vigoda?
Today’s weather is 97 degrees and makes me miss home. WonderTwin, Momma, and Nipper have returned safely to God’s Waiting Room (FL) and I can’t be away from the lil princess long or my warning light begins to beep.
This is for her.
My temporary roomies are keeping me busy, and I love every minute of it. They are good for my soul. They are busy “beavers” who are never without a project or an idea. They run circles around me and make me realize just how lazy I truly am.
I’m okay with it though.
This blog is really just to keep y’all interested. The next one will come early next week. We are planning a FULL weekend. There’s a barcrawl planned for Friday afternoon and I’m headed to the Philadelphia Soul game on Saturday which just might spill into the parking lot party at the Buffett concert next door. Sunday will include some grilling for various Dads and there is much to do between now and then. There is a class to finish, some resume rewriting, ceiling fans to install, and a grill to renovate.
My camera will be accompanying me on the trip as I’m extremely upset at myself for not taking it with me last weekend. I missed some beautiful photo ops to show y’all where I was born and what the Amish life entails. I could have included pictures of my aunt whose birthday was the reason for the mecca to Amishland. I had a beautiful picture of 8 of the biggest plow horses being led down the road by a single Amishman. It needed smell-o-vision.
I want to include the newest Superhero in the blog. I’m calling her Breezy (I’m not tied to it though). She’s kinda hippy, kinda dippy… a breath of fresh air and a strong breeze could blow her over... She’s slightly airheaded. She’s my partner in terrorism (carbombing). ‘Box loves her too. Her kids have Mohawks for the summer and she gets the jokes.
This is from her.
Welcome Breezy!
I have to finish with a big “I miss you” to Damsel and the GNO gals. In my mind I’m sitting at Coral Rock today laughing about not so innocent Jill breaking my poor nipper’s piglet’s leg and missing pool diva’s smile. I can’t wait to see them all again…someone owes me a bunch of birthday kisses. I’m missing Damsel’s sense of humor having a nice warm flat beer waiting for me (just the way I like it). I miss the themed jukebox nights and sleeving beers while dreaming of our own taproom...and yes…oh yes… I’m missing the sidekick.
Is that smell gone from the truck Mr. Appleseed?
Save me the spot in the horseshoe…I’ll be home soon (I guess?)
In the meantime, enjoy that sandwich…I am.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Fill It Up, Pump Monkey
I know y’all are waiting on the edge of your seats to find out what’s happening in our adventure…
Our last installment left the Superheroes in the Garden(smelling) State of New Jersey readying themselves for the Memorial Day party.
The party was one of the main reasons for the pilgrimage.
There was some serious driving back and forth to PA before the Sunday fest and somehow the smell in the truck EVOLVED!!!
On Saturday morning, in an effort to mask the stench of two fat guys in a truck, a new odor was added. ‘Box got the great idea to try to mask the smell with an apple scented spray air freshener….
Silly ‘Box.
We had fun renaming the odor Johnny Rotten Appleseed Ass.
Oh, by the way… after the third day of this excursion, I was finally able to get a blanket and experience a non-teeth-chattering night.
Now, on to the party… I have to preface the party by saying ‘Box’s mates are all good guys. I got a great welcome and Tex (as he’s known in his hood) was a hit. He got hugs, fist pumps, chest bumps, and back slaps from everyone at the party… and that was a lot of peeps. My guesstimate was close to a hundred. Y’all are welcome at my place anytime.
Carl…
AWESOME… just AWESOME.
I’m wondering how I’m going to fit all the fun into this blog?
I have to tell you about the first half hour of the Fest. I call it the Vinnie phase. You have to imagine the South Philly/Jersey accent. The discussion revolved around the current status of Vinnie and it went like this….
“Where’s Vinnie?”
“Vinnie’s dead yo”
“No f#ckin’ way”
“Yeah, Vinnie’s dead”
Enter the next contestant….
“Yo, you hear about Vinnie? He’s dead, man”
“Vinnie ain’t dead. I saw him last week”
“No way, he’s dead man”
“I heard he was in jail, but he ain’t dead”
Next entry…
“Dude, you seen Vinnie?”
“He’s in jail”
“I saw his girlfriend. He’s in jail”
Next…
“Dude, where’s Vinnie?”
“Vinnie’s dead”
This went on for 30 minutes. No lie. In the end, I think Vinnie’s alive but he may actually be in jail.
The party progressed. The food was awesome and just kept coming. The bands were great… Them Bones and Oedipus and the Mommas’ Boys… and oh yes, the Philadelphia Eagles String Band. If any or all of you read this, forward me your myspace accounts so I can keep up with the music. I sure wish SW FL had this kind of music. There was a great merge of Rage Against the Machine with a set of old rap (think Can’t Touch This and Ice Ice Baby with a head banging beat).
There was plenty of Bud, Burgers, and Broads (Jersey style)…lol.
Yes, it ended with the singer wearing our mullet wig and a Coyote’s headband, a mosh pit, Box doing a keg stand and yes there were cops! Only one arrest and the last I heard she was fighting it (she deserves a pass on it for sure).
Box and I had a lengthy discussion about how this party could not have happened in Florida. Among the reasons were red ants, heat, baby mama drama and handguns.
There was a good story that I want to tell. Hopefully it doesn’t ruffle any feathers and if it does, comment in a hurry and I’ll remove it. It seems one of Box’s oldest friends Jimmy has a tad of a reputation for being a dog. During the party, he and his current live-in got into a little tiff regarding someone being overly friendly towards Jimmy. She left the party while Jimmy stayed on. We found out the next day that Jimmy had to deal with some police activity after the night as well, as his live-in took both sets of his truck keys, some money, and some of his possessions. I found out a couple days later that Jimmy has a new live-in and sold the old gf’s plasma tv to cover his losses. Jersey crazy is just as good as FL crazy. Will Jimmy ever learn?
We spent a couple days in Blackwood and got to meet a good bartender, Ida, who ironically used to date Jimmy and got a real kick out of the Jimmy story. We met some more of Tex’s peeps and got a car out of impound. We got some great hospitality from Box’s sis and family and made it to Wawa EVERY day.
Tuesday led us back to PA.
The truck's smell is starting to subside.
I spent a day working the steel wheels of the print press, we had some more Wawa, we spent a night visiting with a new little superhero that needs a name (Jen), we witnessed her child drinking syrup from the container, we drank some beers, we saw some old friends and made some new ones, and we just plain enjoyed the trip. I got to eat breakfast at the Classic Diner, one of my all-time favorite diners (a spinach and blue cheese omelet with a side of scrapple that was big enough to feed a small family) and got to see Chrissy if only for a second.
On Wed. Box and I and some friends got a chance to see the Lancaster Barnstormers play the Long Island Ducks in Lancaster, PA.
What a beautiful stadium and such a pleasure to see my good friend Redfish Bob. We spent many nights at the ballpark next to my house in FL, working through the pitiful excuse we had for a ball team. There were “staff meetings” in the locker rooms and post game meetings at the bar where we discussed many important beer related facts and figures and how much better our surroundings could be. I’m so glad he traded up!
Redfish Bob invited Box and I to join him in Atlantic City to reunite with Cecil Fielder, our old manager, but Box was getting homesick and there was no way given my financials that I wanted to be anywhere NEAR a blackjack table. We parted over pictures and pitchers, vowing to remain in touch. I secretly hope we get to work together for a Major League team someday.
The last few days I’ve been procrastinating over my next step. Box has decided to leave on Saturday morning as he’s anxious to get back. He has a job to get back to and AC in his house. I’m sure he misses the family and the Damsel. I struggled over the decision to return for way too long. I put off every decision until it gets made for me, eh Box?
I’m lucky enough to get some work up here from my bud and ex-business partner, Dubya, and since WonderTwin and the Nipper have flown in with my mom, I’ve decided to stay for another week. Besides, Monday is Twin and mine’s birthday and the thought of spending it on the road wasn’t appealing. I will miss not having the ‘Box around to share it with or any of my FL buds (especially u Damsel) but I really want to spend it with Sis, after all we shared a womb, and Uncle Fungus needs a birthday hug from a certain lil princess.
I apologize for the quality and amount of pictures included. The laptop I am using does not have my best graphics manipulation package and we left some cords in Jersey and couldn’t load any of the good party pics. I’ll make sure when I get back to edit some in.
I’ll leave you with an explanation of the blog title…
New Jersey has mandatory full service gas stations.
Stayed tuned…
Miss ya Box. It’s not quite as much fun laughing by myself
Our last installment left the Superheroes in the Garden(smelling) State of New Jersey readying themselves for the Memorial Day party.
The party was one of the main reasons for the pilgrimage.
There was some serious driving back and forth to PA before the Sunday fest and somehow the smell in the truck EVOLVED!!!
On Saturday morning, in an effort to mask the stench of two fat guys in a truck, a new odor was added. ‘Box got the great idea to try to mask the smell with an apple scented spray air freshener….
Silly ‘Box.
We had fun renaming the odor Johnny Rotten Appleseed Ass.
Oh, by the way… after the third day of this excursion, I was finally able to get a blanket and experience a non-teeth-chattering night.
Now, on to the party… I have to preface the party by saying ‘Box’s mates are all good guys. I got a great welcome and Tex (as he’s known in his hood) was a hit. He got hugs, fist pumps, chest bumps, and back slaps from everyone at the party… and that was a lot of peeps. My guesstimate was close to a hundred. Y’all are welcome at my place anytime.
Carl…
AWESOME… just AWESOME.
I’m wondering how I’m going to fit all the fun into this blog?
I have to tell you about the first half hour of the Fest. I call it the Vinnie phase. You have to imagine the South Philly/Jersey accent. The discussion revolved around the current status of Vinnie and it went like this….
“Where’s Vinnie?”
“Vinnie’s dead yo”
“No f#ckin’ way”
“Yeah, Vinnie’s dead”
Enter the next contestant….
“Yo, you hear about Vinnie? He’s dead, man”
“Vinnie ain’t dead. I saw him last week”
“No way, he’s dead man”
“I heard he was in jail, but he ain’t dead”
Next entry…
“Dude, you seen Vinnie?”
“He’s in jail”
“I saw his girlfriend. He’s in jail”
Next…
“Dude, where’s Vinnie?”
“Vinnie’s dead”
This went on for 30 minutes. No lie. In the end, I think Vinnie’s alive but he may actually be in jail.
The party progressed. The food was awesome and just kept coming. The bands were great… Them Bones and Oedipus and the Mommas’ Boys… and oh yes, the Philadelphia Eagles String Band. If any or all of you read this, forward me your myspace accounts so I can keep up with the music. I sure wish SW FL had this kind of music. There was a great merge of Rage Against the Machine with a set of old rap (think Can’t Touch This and Ice Ice Baby with a head banging beat).
There was plenty of Bud, Burgers, and Broads (Jersey style)…lol.
Yes, it ended with the singer wearing our mullet wig and a Coyote’s headband, a mosh pit, Box doing a keg stand and yes there were cops! Only one arrest and the last I heard she was fighting it (she deserves a pass on it for sure).
Box and I had a lengthy discussion about how this party could not have happened in Florida. Among the reasons were red ants, heat, baby mama drama and handguns.
There was a good story that I want to tell. Hopefully it doesn’t ruffle any feathers and if it does, comment in a hurry and I’ll remove it. It seems one of Box’s oldest friends Jimmy has a tad of a reputation for being a dog. During the party, he and his current live-in got into a little tiff regarding someone being overly friendly towards Jimmy. She left the party while Jimmy stayed on. We found out the next day that Jimmy had to deal with some police activity after the night as well, as his live-in took both sets of his truck keys, some money, and some of his possessions. I found out a couple days later that Jimmy has a new live-in and sold the old gf’s plasma tv to cover his losses. Jersey crazy is just as good as FL crazy. Will Jimmy ever learn?
We spent a couple days in Blackwood and got to meet a good bartender, Ida, who ironically used to date Jimmy and got a real kick out of the Jimmy story. We met some more of Tex’s peeps and got a car out of impound. We got some great hospitality from Box’s sis and family and made it to Wawa EVERY day.
Tuesday led us back to PA.
The truck's smell is starting to subside.
I spent a day working the steel wheels of the print press, we had some more Wawa, we spent a night visiting with a new little superhero that needs a name (Jen), we witnessed her child drinking syrup from the container, we drank some beers, we saw some old friends and made some new ones, and we just plain enjoyed the trip. I got to eat breakfast at the Classic Diner, one of my all-time favorite diners (a spinach and blue cheese omelet with a side of scrapple that was big enough to feed a small family) and got to see Chrissy if only for a second.
On Wed. Box and I and some friends got a chance to see the Lancaster Barnstormers play the Long Island Ducks in Lancaster, PA.
What a beautiful stadium and such a pleasure to see my good friend Redfish Bob. We spent many nights at the ballpark next to my house in FL, working through the pitiful excuse we had for a ball team. There were “staff meetings” in the locker rooms and post game meetings at the bar where we discussed many important beer related facts and figures and how much better our surroundings could be. I’m so glad he traded up!
Redfish Bob invited Box and I to join him in Atlantic City to reunite with Cecil Fielder, our old manager, but Box was getting homesick and there was no way given my financials that I wanted to be anywhere NEAR a blackjack table. We parted over pictures and pitchers, vowing to remain in touch. I secretly hope we get to work together for a Major League team someday.
The last few days I’ve been procrastinating over my next step. Box has decided to leave on Saturday morning as he’s anxious to get back. He has a job to get back to and AC in his house. I’m sure he misses the family and the Damsel. I struggled over the decision to return for way too long. I put off every decision until it gets made for me, eh Box?
I’m lucky enough to get some work up here from my bud and ex-business partner, Dubya, and since WonderTwin and the Nipper have flown in with my mom, I’ve decided to stay for another week. Besides, Monday is Twin and mine’s birthday and the thought of spending it on the road wasn’t appealing. I will miss not having the ‘Box around to share it with or any of my FL buds (especially u Damsel) but I really want to spend it with Sis, after all we shared a womb, and Uncle Fungus needs a birthday hug from a certain lil princess.
I apologize for the quality and amount of pictures included. The laptop I am using does not have my best graphics manipulation package and we left some cords in Jersey and couldn’t load any of the good party pics. I’ll make sure when I get back to edit some in.
I’ll leave you with an explanation of the blog title…
New Jersey has mandatory full service gas stations.
Stayed tuned…
Miss ya Box. It’s not quite as much fun laughing by myself
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