Perfect Visions

Since this old beerman has been way short of funds lately, I’ve found myself with time on my hands to learn some new tricks.
I thought it would be cool to go back and add some vision to stories gone by, and maybe add a few new ones as well.
I’ll start with one from ‘Box’s Birthday Bash. To all those of you that were invited and missed it…you should have been there.

Here he is with Walker San Francisco Ranger.
The evening was complete with an inflatable granny and an erotic cake. We also had the pleasure of one wail of a squirt gun fight and a top ten list of reasons why no one wants to be Big Mike.

10) Everyone wants you to move furniture (Mike’s old profession)

9) Some other dude is getting laid off your Valentine’s Day flowers (He actually had his bouquet stolen from his gal’s front porch)

8) You get less tail than Ben Franklin’s kite

7) Cell phones are too small for your beefy hands

6) You crumble like blue cheese whenever you see boobs (and then lend them money)

5) You always have to be pissed off at the world

4) You have to be Fungus’ bitch

3) Quitney will cut you off after 20 beers (TRUE STORY!!!)

2) No one EVER gets to see the girl in your sex video (my personal favorite)

1) You spend $40 to win a $25 gift certificate in a chili cook-off (which he did at the bar where the party was held, which made it funny to the crowd!)

Please feel free to add any that you may think of… trust me, I can use the laugh... and for heaven's sake someone PLEASE send me the picture of "David Lee Roy"

While I was digging through pictures, here’s one of a couple of the GNO gals that I just plain ol’ love.







I’ve also included a pic of their coconut that they raced in last weeks Coconut Daze. The other picture was just one of the other coconuts I thought was done up nice.

Digging further into the archive I found a picture of Jennaay in bunny ears





and a picture of me and granny.
If you haven’t read this story, go back and re-read it. Granny had just finished vomiting over the railing and I snuck up behind her for a picture.


Speaking of sneaking up behind for a picture. I have to tell y’all a story about my buddy Buckeye. I haven’t decided yet whether Buckeye is a superhero or a supervillian. He does seem to get me into sticky situations and I know he’s surely evil.

Every year I’m fortunate to travel to the lovely Outer Banks of North Carolina with a couple dozen of my favorite peeps…sometimes it’s more. One year Buckeye and I set out on a mission. He was showing me pictures he had taken on a tour of major league ballparks one summer and he stumbled on one that included a rather unattractive woman. When I asked who she was, he told me that he and his sidekick decided she was one of the ugliest women they had seen on the trip and snuck behind her to make it appear that they had gotten a picture together.

WOW…

How much did I love that idea? Of course we had to kick it up a notch. We decided on our trip to OBX we would seek out a midget in a wheelchair with a mullet wearing an eye patch. Needless to say, I have an archive of 20 different women wearing an eye patch from that trip. We even had one bartender ready to buy a mullet wig. The best part for me was that every picture taken was sent via cell phone to Buckeye’s chum back in the Midwest. Imagine that you just keep receiving pictures of two guys and a different gal with an eye patch for a week straight. Tell me that wouldn’t make you laugh?

So I am including this pic for you Buckeye… and yes, that is the same eye patch
on the deer head. The best part of the bar crawl in this picture was the photos of the county policeman taken from later on that night using a slimjim to unlock his cop car….which was still running. He never got the keys out and it eventually ran out of gas.
Oh well, it’s getting late here and I’m still on a mission to get my resume posted to every job board in the US and eventually the world. If you have any leads, forward them my way, as the only jobs in SW Florida are paying in the $5 an hour range and I just don’t feel right about having a bachelor’s degree and settling for that kinda coin.
I’ll try to add some more fun from the Kentucky Derby party this week. I’m sure it’ll be a hoot.
Y’all don’t be strangers and feel free to make comments…you don’t have to register. I do get to preview them before they’re posted though, so u gotta be nice… or at least funny.

On a final note, I noticed that the entertainment rag I had written for and developed ideas for has decided to steal one of my ideas without giving me any credit. Once again this superhero gets taken advantage of. For all of you that know them, when they tell you the story that I was asking for too much money…

I asked for $50 an article per month, which barely paid for my bartab and certainly not the time they got from me to develop ads that they are still using and got from me for free.


If you see them, wish them karma from me.