Back in the FL

To all you that voted that I wouldn't leave PA…

YOU'RE WRONG!!
My flight back was a great one. Someone remind me to send an email to http://www.usa3000.com/ and comment on how great their service is. They got me into town 40 minutes early. They beat United by a good 15 hours!
Anyway, being back in town has put me right back under the gun again. I was able to get to Damsel's birthday party, although 'Box and I ruined the surprised by stopping in on Wed. after a couple buckets and wings at the ex-Jet kickers place (if he wants me to use the name, I gots to get paid!).
The party went well and led to a couple more days of a whirlwind tour of "welcome back to town", complete with some kind of monkey jello shots at the Nav-A Gator (they don't have to pay me!).
Since there's so much to relay… it's on to the funny.

First, here's a picture of my volleyball team from the Rumble back in June. Yes, this is the team that let this old man walk off the court playing in the highest division, in the biggest tourney on the east coast, making the playoffs and beating a team of 18yo's 15-1. We forfeited our spot in the playoffs due to the 3 hour wait for them to start. Old muscles seem to stiffen when they are forced to sit that long. Besides, it was well passed beer-thirty and we had already proven that we could still play one last time. I was so proud that after a 6 year layoff I didn't embarrass myself and also so proud of my teammates that they put up with this fat, slow old man. I have pictures of me in motion that will remain "un-blogged" at this time. Anyway, thanks guys.
Next… Here is what I've been doing in PA. For those of you that don't know, I was one half of a company known as Cherrystone Graphics. We were a textile silkscreening company that had very good success printing for the AVP (beach volleyball) and the NLL (pro lacrosse). We also did work for QVC (a home shopping channel) and ran our own line of volleyball apparel (VB Bones). There are way too many stories to even start this subject in this forum, so I will just say it was a great experience that I will always remember.
My partner in crime at CG is Dubya. When I'm in PA and he has work (he still dabbles part time, having since moved into the technology field) he will set me up back behind the "wheels of steel" and allow me to produce his wonderful designs.
Here are just a few.
Having been in the "t-shirt" business for quite the while, here are some designs I would have liked to have produced! They are collected from http://www.snorgtees.com/ and http://www.tshirthell.com/.
These ALL apply to me.









Strategically printed low












Just plain funny




  
For Mr. and Mrs. Rhythm


For my friend Cinderella, who lives in Idaho, miss ya 'Pea!


For 'Box!



Not PC?




Three from T-Shirt Hell's Baby Hell





The last one will lead me into 'Box and I's next foray into funny. It is taken from a scene in Talladega Nights where Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are improv-ing saying Grace. They argue over how to picture Jesus and one of John C. Reilly's visions starts with "I like to picture Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt".



This scene has gotten 'Box and I to start texting each other with random thoughts on IL2PJ… (I like to picture Jesus)
Here's a teaser…
My favorite from 'Box…
IL2PJ as a mediocre bass player in a Foghat cover band.
His favorite from me…
IL2PJ as a senator from the great state of Milwaukee
Let me know if you think this idea is funny. I think it's hilarious but I've been called offbeat before.
Here's some more from the list of un-PC album titles:
Eric Clapton: Open Window
Freddy Mercury: Full Blown
Nancy Wilson: The Titanic Soundtrack
Santana: Up On the Roof
Karen Carpenter: All Out of Lunch
Earth, Wind, and Fire: Hurricane Katrina
Phil Spector: My Aim is True
Pussycat Dolls: Tunnels of Love
James Brown: Under a Good Foot
James Brown: Poppa's Got a Brand New Body Bag
Snoop Dogg: Weedin' with a Ho'
Boy George: You'll Be a Woman Soon
Vince Neill: Grabacab
Michael Jackson: My Roots are on Fire
Michael Jackson: Smokin' in the Boys Room
Kurt Cobain: Shooting My Mouth Off
Aretha Franklin: MacArthur Pork
Madonna: Yankin' the Rod
Johnny Cash, Jerry Garcia, Elvis, & Freddy Fender: Box Set.

Any of those funny?

Here's a picture of Breezy's rugrats. It was used in an advertisement for their dentist (I think it was the dentist.)


And last but not least….
Sitting at the rail, Box and I discussed…
If we were going to the Olympics, what country would we represent?
First the easy ones…

Turkey
Chile
Hungary
Greece

Then came the creative…

Tawain-on
Lickinstein
Largemenistan
Fatvia
Norweigh
Largentina
The Sandwich Islands
Isle of Mode
Bellyrus
Crowateya
El Salivador

Or my fav…
Mayonnaisia
Please take the time to add any and scroll down to vote on your favorite one!
Hope you enjoyed!
Coming next blog… more IL2PJs and we will be discussing exactly WHICH Olympic events we will participate in..
Beached Volleyball?
Stay tuned!

Crab Salad

Good Morning…

Or is it?

I know I promised to write once a day while I was house sitting and of course I have not.

It’s a shame there isn’t a professional league for procrastinators… I would be the Manny Ramirez of it.

Oh Wait….NEWS FLASH.

Manny’s been traded.


Manny is now a member of the Atlanta Thrashers of the NHL.

Manny and Joe Torre, manager of the LA Dodgers:

J: Manny, we need you to play left field.
M: WHAAAAAAT?
J: Manny, left field.
M: WHAAAAAAT?
J: Go out and play left field Manny.
M: OKAAAAAY.

A candidate for the Hall of Fame fo’ sho’!

It’s been a less than stellar morning for me here today. It’s the end of the month and bill-paying time. Strike one.

This week I have lost the tiniest of screws out of two sets of glasses, bent a third pair and snapped a fourth. When it comes to glasses I am CURSED like no other. If you add together what I’ve spent in my lifetime so far on glasses, it would be enough money to buy the NY Yankees. (OK, maybe it just feels like it to me.)

Anyone with good vision want to call me and listen to the anger in my voice when it comes to discussing the frustration of trying to rescrew a mini-millimeter screw back into the hole with a butter knife while holding together the pieces of two flimsy ends of the frame and trying to keep the glass part where it needs to be?

And of course, I’m doing this while I can see absolutely NOTHING.

E-mail me for a list of obscenities that have spewn forth when the screw lands on the kitchen floor which already has 80,000 little pieces of other crap on it and an intricate pattern to boot. It’s mandatory that the foul verbiage continues constantly while I’m on my hands and knees panning for the screw. It is homage to my late grandfather who taught me the value of swearing at inanimate objects and continuously doing it until the item was found, fixed, or broken beyond repair. I’m pretty sure he made up combinations of swear words that would still amaze a dockworker. I remember my beloved old hound running to hide under the coffee table every time I broke out the tool box. He knew what was coming. Eyeglasses… strike two.

I’m missing SuperDarlin’s birthday this week AND gonna miss the yearly anniversary of Damsel’s birth next week. I HATE that I’m not going to be back home for this...I mean I REALLY HATE THIS ONE.
I miss all the people back in FL but since I had the opportunity to work here in PA I had to take it… and that SUCKS. Work should NEVER get in the way of what is truly important in life. I miss seeing my buddy Ray and seeing his newborn grow. I miss the Nipper…BADLY.
I miss WonderTwin and the gals, especially Not So Innocent Jill and Pool Diva.

Let’s add to this the facts that LunchBox is now out of a job and may be moving out of the area, the newfound throbbing in my right ear that I can hear nothing out of, the fact that I have had to care for 2 cats every morning and night this week, the fact that my good buddy Bob had to put down his faithful dog Gus this week which has done nothing but remind me of my faithful puppy from so long ago, and you have strikes 3 thru 10.

Let’s examine some of these things a little at a time…

If you know me… you know there is one and only one animal I will swerve to hit on the highway. It’s not quite as intense as my hatred for the University of Notre Dame but it’s close. Canned cat food is almost certainly the most disgusting thing on the face of this or any other planet. Why would anyone want to have a pet that craps in a box and makes you scoop it up…

Honestly… I’m asking.

I’m pretty sure if you were trapped in a fire, a cat would not alert the fire department nor drag you to safety. In fact, they would sit and lick themselves while you burned. They serve no purpose other than to infuriate me. I am reminded of an ex-wife.

The pain in my ear. I lost all the hearing in my right ear from an ear infection over a year ago. There may or may not be an operation to restore the hearing but it doesn’t matter since I have no insurance nor the money for such an operation. Shouldn’t basic healthcare be more important than a war thousands of miles away that claims to be protecting our oil interests but is still costing me a fortune at the pumps? Shouldn’t basic healthcare fall under the line about inalienable rights and the pursuit of happiness? It’s self-evident to me. How much different would Capitol Hill be if there were no healthcare for politicians? Would it change how things worked there?

Why can’t dogs live as long as humans? They really are one of the few things that make life bearable and should have a much longer lifespan.


RIP Gus.

Does LunchBox know how miserable life will be if he moves away? I’m not sure I can allow this to be an option.

This week our goal was to come up with the most un-PC list of album/CD titles that we could think of. It took 4 days and about 100 text messages at all hours of the day and night. We are nothing if not committed to the joke.

The list is being edited and updated and will be posted on the next blog, which will come sooner than later…YES BOX I KNOW I OWE YOU BEER!

Here are some nuggets from the Charlotte County Sun-Herald.

If you're going to steal someone else's checks, don't write the amount to yourself.

Apparently, Michael Frances Robinson didn't get the memo.

The 23-year-old Port Charlotte man was charged Wednesday with four counts of forgery and four counts of uttering a forged instrument.

The Charlotte County Sheriff's Office received a complaint in June from a man stating someone had stolen his checks and cashed them at Bank of America. The name on each check said "Michael Robinson," according to a sheriff's office report.

Robinson, of the 3800 block of Tamiami Trail, reportedly received a total of $1,350 from four checks.

Bank video of the transactions showed Robinson cashing the checks on four separate occasions, the report said.

Robinson told detectives he found the victim's checkbook in his yard, and forged the man's signature, according to the report.

Robinson is being held on $20,000 bond.

Do you think he saved a check for bail?

Report: Man brings toddler to drug deal

Authorities arrested an Englewood man who reportedly brought his 2-year-old son with him to purchase crack cocaine Monday.

The article goes on to state that because of a recently enacted law, this is now a felony and not a misdemeanor. Question, if you are stupid enough to take a child to a crack deal, is the upgrade in severity of punishment going to make you think twice before dragging said child in tow? Can’t you hear the decision making process… if I leave the child at home alone it’s just endangering and the deal is a misdemeanor… 2 misdemeanors vs. 1 felony? What to do, what to do.

I’m going to end with some funny things that I’ve accumulated in the past couple days and proceed to finalizing the non-pc list…

Here’s a teaser:

Michael Jackson: Gin and Juicy Juice

James Brown: No Longer Living in America

Amy Winehouse: Coughin’ to Coffin

R. Kelly: Golden Hits

Johnny Cash: Cashed In

Tupac: It’s a Rap

Feel free to join in!

Here’s a nice redneck tattoo.


Here’s a favorite of mine taken from Bits and Pieces.

Heath McLedger

And one more…


Why do I see Box and I replicating this silly feat!

I’ll be home before you know it Box… hang in there!