Birthday 'Box

Sure has been a while huh?

Time keeps on tickin’ tickin’ tickin’… into the future. Eh ‘Box?

Yesterday was good ol’ Lunchbox’s 40th birthday. He didn’t seem too happy about it. I’m sure he’ll be alright with it once it sinks in to his creamy nougat center.
‘Box needs to learn that these are just numbers and are completely meaningless in the Superhero World. In the great words of Groucho Marx, “You’re only as old as the women you feel”. In the words of the Beerman, “Age keeps moving on, but you can stay immature forever!”

Since income has been tight in Superhero land lately, I decided for ‘Box’s birthday I’d put together a soundtrack for him. So here goes….

Track 1) She Taste Like Gravy
This is a song Mike introduced me to around my birthday last year. I had never heard it before and I think he found it off a search of a radio broadcast. It is a dead-on replication of Gnarl’s Barkley’s “Crazy” with the lyrics pertaining to dating larger women. Best line…. Fat chicks rule….and they do things skinny chicks just won’t do.

Track 2) Jungle Love
Ask any Superhero…who exactly is the greatest band of all time?????
Answer: Morris Day and the Motherf*cking Time!! Lunchbox is a white version of Jerome and was born to carry a mirror for RayRay to watch himself dance.

Track 3) Rockstar
This Nickleback song is a favorite of ‘Box’s. I think secretly he wished he was a Guitar Hero instead of just one half of the Titanic Duo.




Track 4) Ugly Baby
One of Stephen Lynch’s classic songs about his daughter’s birth. Best line…I always wanted kids, is it wrong to hope for SIDS? “When the audience groans, you know you got a great joke”… Mike Capner.



Track 5) Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)
During one of our nights at the bar, we changed the words of this Big & Rich song into Save a Horse, Ride a Fat Boy.

Track 6) I Love This Bar
If you have to ask why this is included, you don’t know ‘Box.

Track 7) Sylvia’s Mother
We’ve taken great pleasure playing this Dr. Hook song at our favorite watering hole because M&M hates it. It started as a joke that we took to ridiculous lengths (gee…that doesn’t sound like us!)


Track 8) You Never Met a Motherf*cker Like Me
Kid Rock rocks especially at the level of Charlie’s jukebox.

Track 9) Down in Mexico
This Coasters song is used in Grindhouse:Quinten Taratino’s Death Proof. It’s one of the best lapdance scenes ever made. It was NOT included in the theater release but is on the extended cut for the DVD. As ‘Box is a fan of the lapdance, I included it. It is worth the purchace.

Track 10) After the Lovin’
Yes, it’s Englebert Humperdink. His name is Humperdink…c’mon that’s funny. The real reason I included this in the soundtrack is because we almost
have the re-write finished of our version entitled “After the Luncheon”… “And I know…the buffet isn’t serving…anything new…but after the luncheon…I gotta go… number 2.”

Track 11) Gin & Juice
Yes Snoop Dogg…only we’ve adopted the Gourds bluegrass version. THIS is the official Beerman and Big Mike theme music. Anyone who can take a Snoop song and make it better (approved by Snoop himself) is truly gifted. Anyone who has not heard this song can hear it on my myspace www.myspace.com/dave_the_beerman.

Track 12) The Candy Man
How do we not include a candy song for a fat man on his birthday by a skinny one-eyed dead black man? Plus…you can even eat the dishes!


Track 13) Ramble On Rose
I had to include a Grateful Dead song, the problem was limiting myself to just one. I went with Rambling Rose because it fit the tempo. There isn’t enough time to go into why one Dead song works better than another. It’s the difference between Apple Pie and Cherry pie. It’s ALL pie…delicious wonderful pie!

Track 14) Wet Dream
Kip Adotta made a five minute pun that epitomizes our AWFUL sense of humor.

Track 15) See You in Hell

It’s a late 80’s throwback from Grim Reaper back in the metal age. ‘Box likes metal and it was a way to add my true feelings into the mix.

If you have the ability to download these tunes, go ahead and burn yourself a copy. If not ask me and I’ll burn you a copy off mine. There are some added perks on mine as well… such as the watch speech from Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction and Peanut Butter Jelly Time from Family Guy.

Happy Birthday LunchBox! We all love ya and look forward to the next forty years, remember you can sleep when you’re dead.